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RISMEDIA, April 23, 2009-By the time I got home from work last Friday, I was beyond tired. Two of my daughters are away on trips, and the other had plans. Normally I make a big dinner on Friday night and invite guests, but this week I just decided to lay low. It had been a really busy time with the Passover holiday, packing my youngest for her school trip and work. I came home, lay on the couch, selected a movie, settled my glass of wine and snacks on the side table, and covered myself with a blanket. Home at last.

Then, my husband came in with a letter for me which he had opened.

“What is it?” I said
“Just look at it, you should read this.”

I paused the movie and looked at the letter. I am the manager of a women’s soccer team that will be competing abroad this summer. It’s very expensive, and each athlete has to raise a substantial amount of money. Our team is doing pretty well in that department, but we are still short, and the economy is a tough one for fundraising. The letter came from the treasurer of the organization stating that teams are in jeopardy of being cut if their financial goals have not been reached, as the organization’s fundraising has also been difficult and they can’t afford to take all the teams.

I spent the weekend upset. I had worked so hard to make this happen and now there was a risk that we wouldn’t be able to go. Isn’t it a bit late to throw this at us? I felt angry and frustrated. People had made commitments, and I had just put a year of my time into making this dream come true.

And, I was mad at my husband. He had read the letter. He knew how tired I was. Could he not have given me the letter in the morning?

I’m writing this on Tuesday and I’m still struggling with all the emotions that this has brought up for me. I’m feeling ‘mad at the world’. So I went into Kim’s office and asked her for an adjustment. I needed to change my thinking big time. It was eating me up and I was finding it hard to concentrate on anything else. I needed help in working all this through. I felt like I was drowning.

I closed the door to her office and put everything that was churning inside of me on the table. An hour later I came out feeling a whole lot better. Why? She called me out on my anger and frustration, addressing where it was really coming from and what it was that was really bothering me. She reminded me that the universe was there to serve me and that everything would work out just as it is supposed to. And, then, she moved in for the kill.

“Jacqui. You need to live your own life and stop worrying about everyone else’s.”

Hmmm. I sat in silence waiting for a but, a what if, and an I don’t do that to sputter from my lips. But, the truth is, that’s exactly what I do. I do put the needs of everyone else before my own. And, I take things on and put them squarely on my shoulders and I marginalize the things that are important for me. And furthermore, I know that I’m much happier and able to give “everyone” so much more when I am actively pursuing the things that I love to do. The letter was just a trigger. I had let up on a bunch of things and by doing so, I had allowed all sorts of stuff to impact me in ways that I normally wouldn’t allow. I needed to get my frame of mind back in focus. Kim was right.

Sometimes a simple little adjustment in our thinking is all we need to allow the weight of the world to shift off of our shoulders and for us to feel like we are back in alignment. It’s like a car when the wheels aren’t balanced; the steering shifts a little to one side. Well, this was my tune-up. I feel much better equipped to handle all the ‘stuff’ that goes on in my world and I will now remember that I need fuel as well.

I felt so good when I came out of her office, that I went back in and said,
“I think that everyone should have a tune-up!”

Do you want a quick tune-up? Tune-up and tune in with Kim for a one hour session. Contact me at for more details.

Jacqui Markowitz is the Director of Communications for Frame of Mind Coaching.