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By Kim Ades

RISMEDIA, August 27, 2008-It is always a mind-blowing experience when I witness a transformation in my coaching clients.

Meet Pat Bocchicchio, an unassuming broker from New Jersey; a new broker, busy recruiting people, building a team, dealing with the market conditions-basically your typical ‘Broker USA 2008′ prototype desperately wanting to make it work.

Wanting to ensure that he is able to keep the people he has and continue recruiting more. What did he do? He pounded the pavement, made calls, pulled leads from his hat like a magician, and…he gave them away to his agents to see some of them materialize into a closed sale. And what happened as a result? He was unhappy. He was angry. He was annoyed and frustrated with his agents because they were not pulling their weight. He was massively in debt. Aside from that he was in a relationship that was years past its expiration date. How did he cope? He went to Church everyday to repent for his sins.

kim_ades.jpgIf this was a cartoon, the sound effects department would now produce the sound of car wheels screeching to an abrupt halt followed by a seemingly shockingly long moment of silence.

In that silence, the audience would ask themselves-what is he doing? They would feel a tug in their heart for this poor thug, giving everything away and praying for the answers. It is clear to the viewer that this nice, decent, hardworking man is committing a ‘cardinal sin’ and he is not taking care of himself in any way.

Back to our cartoon: The fender just fell off the car and clanged to the ground as punctuation.

Here it is. The enlightening moment: our broker from New Jersey could not see it, but the fact is that he had taken himself out of the equation. In his attempt to succeed and please everyone in his life from his agents to his wife, he had lost sight of himself and was drowning.

As strange as it sounds, he received an e-mail from a manager in a competing office inviting him to join a free teleseminar about how to handle the tough market conditions. Expecting to hear about tactical strategies for competing in this market, he was taken aback and surprised to find himself deeply engaged in a conversation that had nothing to do with the market and everything to do with thinking as a key strategic advantage.

Minutes after the teleseminar, he signed up for the Frame of Mind Coaching program. What did he learn? He learned that the single most important thing that he needed to do in his life was to make himself the number one priority in his own life. He learned that successful people take responsibility for their own happiness and for the way they feel. He learned to focus on his vision, and support it with his actions.

He discovered that our thoughts drive our beliefs; our beliefs are responsible for what it is we expect to happen to us; what we expect to happen absolutely drives the results we get. What we focus on grows. Pat learned that everything that he achieved in his life up until that point-both positive and negative is a function of what he has been focusing on and that from here on in he could choose what he wanted to focus on.

So what did he do? He stopped putting himself second as a broker. He stopped giving away his leads and started expecting his agents to succeed. Not only did he drive more leads, closings and recruits but his entire office did better. He personally went from being $48,000 in debt to $46,000 ahead. He became a compassionate broker and enjoyed his agents. His perspective of them changed as he changed. They became integrated instead of dependant on one another and their momentum was sustainable.

It’s very interesting to consider the whole idea of coaching. Why do real estate professionals work with coaches? There are lots and lots of programs available with a myriad of ‘winning’ systems all designed to propel your career to the next level. Some real estate professionals become coaching junkies, flitting from one method to the next to find the perfect formula for success. I believe that the most important component of coaching is to teach our students to make themselves the number one priority in their own lives. They make a decision that they have only one life and they are responsible for their own happiness and nothing, not even market conditions can stand in their way. When this evolution happens, they are able to lead the stratospheric lives and achieve the goals that they set out to reach in a coaching program.

Kim Ades, MBA, president of Opening Doors and Frame of Mind Coaching, is one of the industry’s foremost experts on performance and success in real estate sales.

For more information, please visit Ades can be reached at