Taking Responsibility for Communication

By George W. MantorPrint Article Print Article

“What we’ve got here is a failure to communicate. Some men you just can’t reach.”
                                      –Strother Martin, as the warden in the movie Cool Hand Luke 

RISMEDIA, September 15, 2009—Failure to communicate is a fact of everyday life. “Nobody told me.” “I couldn’t open my e-mail.” “I didn’t get the message.” 

Your success in business will largely be dependant on your ability to transmit your message. What you say, how you say it, and the media you employ are critical to effective communication. You will regularly collect, process and distribute vital information. 

You will set appointments and reschedule them. You will make representations and commitments. You will interpret laws and rules. You will be responsible for millions of dollars changing hands based on representations made by you. 

And, if you have a failure to communicate in business, you could lose a client, lose a friend, lose a transaction, lose a suit, lose your license and maybe even your freedom. And, it can happen so easily. 

I was lost in thought when my concentration was shattered by the ringing of the phone. Not wanting to get derailed from what I was working on, I decided to let voice mail take care of it. Though it turned out to be a wrong number, I had to pick it up. It was a government agency and the message was intended for a prospective grant recipient. The caller warned that she had 48 hours to respond to his call and no other attempt would be made to contact her. 

Had the intended recipient been “The Amazing Kreskin,” she would have known that someone was trying to reach her. And, doesn’t that make you wonder about the important message you never got? 

Now I bring this up not to disparage the inefficiencies of government employees, but as prelude to the most important lesson you will ever learn. 

It is the most fundamental and immutable law of human relations. 

The sender of the message is always responsible for whether or not it is received. 

Always. 

The entire point of communication is to get the message delivered. If I write and no one reads it, I haven’t communicated. 

A real estate company owner flew from Austin to Chicago to meet with an agent. When the agent was a no show, he called the woman. She was still in bed and told him that she had canceled the meeting by leaving him a voice mail message the night before. Who is responsible for his wasted cross country trip? 

For all the communication devices we have, we are by every measure less skilled at the art of communication than our grandfathers. 

We have reverted to monosyllabic grunts. “Yo! Yo! Whassup?” 

Soon, we’ll never be out of cell phone bars but we won’t know how to say anything. Our writing seems to be devolving into a hybrid of primitive cave scratching and Gregg shorthand. 

Most of us take for granted that we are good communicators. But, without proper focus, and some actual study of the skills necessary to foster effective communication, there is always the possibility for miscommunication. 

As a businessperson, you want to employ strategies that minimize the potential for miscommunication and enhance your ability to communicate more and more effectively with your target audience. 

Fortunately, there are principals and techniques that you can learn that will improve your communication ability. But first, let’s take a look at the bigger picture. 

There are two modes of communication: verbal and non verbal. 

Factors which influence the effectiveness of verbal communication include: 

Clarity—Is the message concise and to the point, and does it flow in a logical order? 

Vocabulary—the very words you use create the flavor and nuance necessary to transmit complex and precise information. 

Denotative meaning—this is the specific meaning of a word. For example, let us say that we describe Jack as being determined. 

Connotative meaning—this is the suggested meaning. By saying that “Jack doesn’t know when to quit,” we have attached a negative connotation. If we say that “Jack has stick-to-itiveness,” we make his determination a positive quality. 

Pacing—Is the delivery fast and excited or measured and calm? 

Timing—If it seems like a bad time to launch into a topic, maybe it is. 

Relevance—Communication can often be derailed or delayed by either straying from the topic or with the introduction of non-sequitors and “red-herrings.” 

Factors which influence the effectiveness of non verbal communication need little explanation. They include: 

Personal appearance
Intonation
Facial expression
Eye contact
Posture and gait
Gestures
Touch 

Additional factors that impact both types of communication include: 

Development
Perceptions
Values
Emotions
Sociocultural background
Knowledge
Roles and relationships
Environment
Space and territoriality

Here are 15 steps you can take to become a great communicator: 

1. Keep the objective in mind. You are in a personal service business and good communication is your ultimate objective. Why? You need to get things done. Much of it requires the voluntary cooperation of others. You deal with facts and figures that have meaning and must be conveyed to the extent that the ramifications are clear to the other party. You have the responsibility of being certain that the people who rely on you are informed about the decisions they are making. 

2. Seek first to understand. The better you understand what other people are feeling and wanting, the better you can fulfill your role as a trusted advisor. 

3. Think like a detective not a judge. Ask questions that are open-ended. Probe the answers. Clarify. 

4. Listen more carefully and responsively. 

5. Retain your perspective. This will help you to be a better listener. See yourself outside of the dialogue rather than getting caught up in it. 

6. Take responsibility for your message getting through. Sending an email or leaving a voice message isn’t communication. It is attempted communication and should be followed up on until confirmation of receipt is certain. 

7. Stay in character. Never, ever, ever let them see you sweat. As a professional, it is unacceptable for your personal feelings to obscure the communication process. Displays of anger will not encourage what you need most from other people—open dialogue leading to cooperation. 

8. Be forthright. Don’t play games or manipulate. What works in other social settings most often won’t work in business. Vow never to play the Victim or the Persecutor. 

9. Maintain eye contact. By focusing first on one eye, and then the other, you’ll find it easier to maintain eye contact without losing concentration. Try it; it really works. 

10. Build your vocabulary. According to linguistic research there are over 600,000 word forms. The average person knows maybe 20,000 words and uses about 1,500 in the course of a week. A powerful vocabulary could be your competitive edge. 

11. Take a writing course. From your local library to community colleges and senior centers, numerous writing courses are available. 

12. Enroll in Toastmasters. This could be the best investment you will ever make in your life. Toastmasters is a support group dedicated to helping people become better speakers. 

13. Join a community theatre. The world of business has its own characters, roles, and scripts. Know your part and play it well, and you will be rewarded. 

14. Give examples. Understanding is created by building on a base of common knowledge. Frequent examples give those unfamiliar with the message many ways to understand it. 

15. Tell stories. All great communicators have the ability to tell an engaging tale. Work on your stories. 

Succeeding in business demands good communication skills. Fortunately, effective communication can be learned. You can be as good a communicator as you want to be. 

Many people have a limited arsenal of communication tools because they place no value on them. 

Over the years, I have heard agents say things like, “Yeah, I told ‘em, but they just don’t get it.” Or, “I left them a message; I don’t know why they didn’t show up.” 

Remember, the single most important principle of effective communication is that the sender of the message is always responsible for whether or not it is received. When I say responsible, I don’t mean in some business practices sort of way, I mean in the real practical life-and-death sort of way. If you are adrift on the ocean and a ship comes into view, don’t whisper for help. 

This brings us to a few final thoughts about recent innovations in technology and their sometimes unintended consequences. 

Why are you yelling at my voice mail? 

On more than one occasion I have been the recipient of a prolonged flaming by another agent. Today, your competitor could take an angry message from you and put it on his website for the whole world to hear. 

What if someone else is listening? 

Many professionals have home offices. It may be possible that family members, guests, and others could hear your message as you leave it. The purpose of voice mail is to leave a message to get a return call; it is not a dump box for 5 minutes of blather or angst. 

Listen to the outgoing message to make sure you have the right person. 

In a seemingly bored and condescending voice, the following message was left on my voice mail by an annoyed female practitioner, “Well, that deal still stands, I know it’s only a half million dollars.” Loud sigh. Click. 

That was it. No name, no phone number, and no way to even contact her as a courtesy and let her know that she had the wrong person. I’ve played that message back to a lot of people as an example of what not to do. To this day, I have no idea who she is, and I guess “that deal still stands.” 

Precede and end every message by slowly stating your phone number. 

Trust me on this one. It’s hard to hear out there. Your recipient may not be able to write down a number. They don’t want to listen to the entire message again to get the number. Keep the message brief. 

You’ve got mail. 

The good thing about email is that there is a record of what was said. The bad thing about email is that there is a record of what is said. Every email should be written as though it will be read by your enemy’s lawyer, your employer, and your mother. 

Gr8 deal 4 u boi. 

Texting may ultimately destroy writing as a communication vehicle. Too many things cannot be adequately abbreviated. Use it sparingly, and remember its business. 

The BLOG cometh, be afraid, be very afraid. 

Maybe there is some business advantage to carrying on an endless dialogue, but it appears to me to be outweighed by the potential to look stupid. If you BLOG, get your facts straight, check your spelling, and remember, it’s indelible. It might be best to BLOG calm and sober. 

From Myspace to disgrace. 

My next door neighbor refers to himself on his myspace.com personal web site as “an insurance and home loan Ninja”. But apparently, when he’s not Ninjaing loans he’s either drunk, dressing in drag, or exposing himself as demonstrated by the photos on his site. 

Social networking has its place but it also has its perils. 

Already, crimes have been solved and jobs have been lost over the content on personal web sites. Search engines will find you and more people are searching professionals before committing to them. And remember, once it’s on the Internet, it may be impossible to remove every link. Think of it as your 21st century tattoo. 

Tila Tequila Tweets a lot, should you? 

Yes, but probably sparingly. There are essentially two components to our craft: one is the legal and precise knowledge component, and the other is the creation of customers. As a mechanism for conveying the former, the 140 character limit seems too limiting. As a tool in the customer creation process, it could be a double-edged sword. Think before you tweet. 

Communication is at the heart of a professional’s stock and trade. Yet too many professionals take for granted that they are good communicators and spend little or no time working on the fundamentals of communication. Commit some time every day to improving your communication skills, and both business and personal relationships will be richer and more satisfying.

George W. Mantor is known as “The Real Estate Professor” for his wealth building formula, Lx2+(U²)xTFP=$? and consumer education efforts. During a career that has spanned more than three decades, he has amassed experience in new home and resale residential real estate, resort marketing, and commercial and investment property. He is currently the founder and president of The Associates Financial Group, a real estate consulting firm.

Mantor can be reached at GWMantor@aol.com.

Read more: http://rismedia.com/2009-08-31/the-principles-of-negotiation/#ixzz0R7DcX3g8 

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