By Maya Bailey, Ph.D.
RISMEDIA, August 11, 2011—As you read these statements—all of which came from actual clients—do any of them sound familiar? If you grew up in this society then you undoubtedly were conditioned to have conflicting beliefs about success.
• “I want to be successful, but I’m afraid that I wouldn’t than have any time for myself, my friends, or my family.”
• “I want to be successful, but I fear that I could not endure the amount of stress that comes with success.”
• “I can’t be successful because I really don’t have what it takes.”
• “I want to be successful, but I’m afraid that it would jeopardize my relationship with my husband or wife.”
• “I want to be successful, but I am afraid I would crash and burn, because that happened to me once before.”
On the one hand, you were taught that to success is a good thing and you need to strive for that. On the other hand, on a subconscious level, you were taught that to be successful you will have to work long hard hours, struggle and sacrifice. If you believe that the sacrifice will be too great, is it any wonder that as you get close to success, you find a way to back out?
The key to getting past your blocks to success is to understand that you have two parts to your mind: your conscious mind, and your subconscious mind.
The best way to think of your entire mind is to picture an iceberg. Visualize how the iceberg is mostly buried under the ocean. Look at how you can only see the very tip of the iceberg. Close your eyes for a moment and just focus on that tip. That tip of the iceberg is called your conscious mind and it is about 1% of your entire mind.
Here’s how it applies to success:
Suppose you come to me and you say, “I want your help to become successful.” Are you aware that statement is coming from your conscious mind, which is only 1% of your entire mind?
In order for me to help you become successful, I need to help you to locate and identify subconscious beliefs that are holding you back, and those are in the subconscious mind—the mass of the iceberg, that 99%.
Most of our parents never taught us how to work “smarter.” They only showed us how to work “harder.”
I bring this up because most of your beliefs about success and what it takes to be successful have their roots in the conditioning you received when you were growing up.
To understand this more, I suggest you take out a clean piece of paper and a pen and make a T diagram.
The left-hand column will be titled self-limiting beliefs about success and the right-hand column will be titled empowered beliefs about success.
It might take a few moments to do some soul-searching and reflecting so that you can take some guesses as to what subconscious beliefs you may be carrying around that are keeping success from coming to you.
Please keep in mind two things:
1. Most of your beliefs about success were formed when you were growing up.
2. These beliefs about success were usually not given to you in a verbal or obvious way. You probably absorbed your ideas about success from observing your parents.
The best way to do this when you’re looking at your T diagram is to take some guesses right off the top of your head about beliefs you possibly have regarding success. More specifically, please notice the “anti-success” beliefs and write them in your left column.
If any of these statements feels familiar, even 1% of the time, put it in your left-hand column:
1. Success means I won’t have a balanced life.
2. Success means I won’t have time for my friends and my family.
3. Success means I will lose my authenticity and true values.
4. Success means that I might put my marriage in jeopardy.
5. Success means people won’t like me.
6. Success means that I’ll get very stressed out and crash and burn.
7. Success means I won’t have a life.
If I were coaching you, I would help you to reprogram each and every one of those beliefs and turn them into empowered beliefs. I would be using a process that I developed during my 20 years as a psychologist. Later I refined the process so that it is customized to help real estate agents achieve their full potential.
It’s not as simple as just replacing an old belief with the new belief in your T diagram, but that is a good start.
So for now, I would recommend that for every belief that you put in your left-hand column, write an empowered belief in the right-hand column.
For example, if the first belief is “success means I won’t have a balanced life,” please put in your right-hand column the new belief, “I create success with ease and have plenty of time for my friends, my family and myself.”
Here are some other empowered beliefs:
1. “I attract people who celebrate my success.”
2. “My relationship with my significant other grows stronger and closer the more successful I become.”
3. “I create success by working smarter, not harder.”
4. “By creating success I achieve all the abundance that life has to offer.”
5. “By being successful, I am able to give back fully to the community.”
I’m sure you get the idea. But here’s the rub: how can you feel good about yourself when you know you’re not living up to your full potential?
When you feel good about yourself, then you will start succeeding.
Getting rid of self-limiting beliefs that lower your self-esteem is no easy job. That’s why I always recommend people get outside professional help. The fastest kind of professional help for you as a real estate agent would be mindset coach.
Dr. Maya Bailey, Multiple 6 Figure Income Business Coach for Real Estate Professionals, integrates her 20 years of experience as a psychologist with 15 years of expertise in marketing. To get your free report: “7 Simple Strategies to More Clients in 90 Days” and to apply for an Initial Complimentary Consultation, go to www.90daystomoreclients.com.
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